When Jeremy Carver and Robert Singer announced at Comic Con last summer that a spinoff of Supernatural was being developed, I had mixed feelings. Yes, fans of Supernatural and the cast themselves joke about the show going on until Sam and Dean are chasing down monsters with their walkers, but it's simply that: a joke. Some have been following the show since episode one back in 2005, others like myself are still newer fans.
But I think I can safely say the fandom agrees on two things. One, we don't want to hate the show. We would prefer it end on a high note and go out in a Winchester worthy blaze of glory than be cancelled because we've all grown tired of it. Two, it's not about the monsters. It's not about angels and demons, even if a large number of us are far too attached to Cas and Crowley. It's about the brothers. Sam and Dean drive the show, and the fandom is all cooped up in the back of the Impala for the ride. Whether you're a fan of Sam, or if you prefer Dean, we watch for the brothers. We get upset when they're upset. Some of the best moments of the show have been when the boys are at odds with each other, but it's what brings them back to center that keeps us all watching. We've watched them become men over the last nine years. We've been with them the heaven and hell and back. Literally.
So I return to my original thought: I had mixed feelings on the thought of a spinoff. Because for me, and my friends in the fandom, yeah we love the genre. We love the "monster of the week" trope, and we love seeing the boys in their element. But take the boys out of the equation? Well, that's not why we're here.
So before I begin my review properly I will say this, and I'm looking at you CW: You cannot just pick up a fandom from one show and expect them to immediately fall in love with a completely brand new set of characters they know nothing about just because you call it a spinoff.
Now, if you want to watch the episode without being spoiled, I'd say go watch it now and then come back.
Did you watch it? Yeah. I know. Trust me, I know.
Moving on.
The basic premise of the show is that, unbeknownst to apparently civilians and the Winchesters, five monster families control Chicago. Named so far are the Shifters, the Werewolves, and the Djinn. I'd say Vampires are also included, but we all know that the vamps are running New Orleans. (Seriously, CW. We're not amused. Though we are rolling our eyes at the irony of casting an Original vamp (Nathan Buzolic aka Kol) as a lead member of the Shifter family.)
The cold open runs fairly quickly, introducing a lot of characters and some conflict. But the main point before the titles? Monsters are in Chicago. It looks like war is beginning, and a young man's girlfriend dies in the crossfire.
And yes, I know what you're thinking. "His girlfriend died? But isn't that what..." Yes. That is exactly the same way that Sam started hunting. Come on, Supernatural. You know better than to pull that on us.
Cue titles, and we see the young man, Ennis, in an interrogation room, explaining what he saw the night before. Of course the officer thinks he's crazy, because like every civilian in Supernatural, he's describing monsters. We get a smattering of back story alluding to a dead and formerly absentee father (yes, I know, it's season one all over again), and then everyone's favorite FBI agents arrive.
At which point I breathed a sigh of relief.
After the boys leave, it just starts to roll downhill fast. The thing about backdoor pilots is that you have a lot of new information to tell your audience, but the pace of the show has to keep up with the format enough to keep them drawn in.
This leads to awkward exposition that makes my inner writer cringe, and characters that just seem like puppets spouting lines with no real motivation or development.
We get the back story on the families, or at least two of them, the Shifters and the Werewolves. It's an infodump, honestly. We see Ennis trying to get to the bottom of who killed his girlfriend, and one of the Shifters is trying to find out who killed his brother and potentially avert a war. Their search leads them right back into the Winchesters' path. The Shifter's werewolf ex girlfriend is taken by the killer, and our Chicago characters join up with the Winchesters.
Clearly more exposition happened in the car, because Dean sums everything up when he gets out. "What is this? Godfather with fangs?"
You understand us, Dean. You really do.
Shifter boy gets caught by what we now see is a creepy psychopath human with a mechanical claws made of silver. He has a vendetta against the families for killing his son. Like you do.
(Though my friend Brittany was spot on: "Plot twist: it’s not a monster at all. It’s the dude from last week’s Hannibal in his cave bear suit.")
The Winchesters and Ennis swoop in to save Romeo and Juliet (I can't remember their names, because this was all I could see), and Ennis shoots the killer after giving a drama laced delivery of "I only see one monster here."
Romeo and Juliet go back to their respective families, and it's clear though that all parties still want a war. I smell the Great Chicago Fire of 2014 coming. Sam and Dean try to talk Ennis out of hunting, but it's a pilot, so of course he's not going to listen. Where would be the fun in that?
But oh wait! Actual plot calls. Literally. Dean gets a call from Cas about Metatron and the boys are on their way out of Chicago. We'll see how that pays off next week. But in the meantime, Ennis is looking through his dad's old things.
And then his cellphone rings. It's his dead dad. Telling him not to become a hunter. And then he just hangs up. And the episode ends. Finally.
I'd tell you to take a shot for every parallel to early seasons of Supernatural in this episode, but I don't want you to sue me when you get alcohol poisoning and end up in the hospital.
The whole episode felt forced. Sam and Dean were their usual selves, and it was a welcome breath of fresh air. I know logically that given time to develop these characters could become something incredible, but based on this first impression, my expectations are low.
And for those of you staring at the ratings and saying, "But surely it must have been good! Look at these numbers!" It's Supernatural. It's Tuesday. You put it on our screens, we will tune in. That's how this fandom works. It's not because it was the Bloodlines backdoor pilot, it's because it was an episode of Supernatural. I know that sounds overly simple, but that's it.
I am curious to see how the network is going to respond. We'll know for sure come next fall.
In the meantime, some spinoffs that I'd rather see than Bloodlines.
Supernatural: Mills Girls - The adventures of Jodie Mills and her now pseudo-daughter Alex. In the style of Gilmore Girls, so insert Jared Padalecki as needed.
Supernatural: Full WereHouse - Garth and his new family, and stories of all the "strays" they take in.
Supernatural: Trouble in Oz - The Adventures of Charlie Bradbury and Dorothy. Enough said.
Supernatural: Mother Knows Best - Living with your mother isn't easy. It's even harder when you're a ghost. The adventures of Kevin and Mrs. Tran.
Submitted for consideration by my friend Brittany are:
Supernatural: 7th Heaven and Hell: Split between following our favorite angels and demons around, seeing how the other half really lives.
Supernatural: The Walking, Talking Dead - The continuing stories of everyone who has ever died on the show and what they're doing now. (I assume there is always a party going on at that big Roadhouse in the sky.)
And of course, courtesy of Mark Sheppard himself, Oh, Crowley, which needs no description.
The key to all of these? They focus on characters from the show that we already love.
A suggestion, really. My first impression of Supernatural: Bloodlines is not a good one, and I can't honestly say I'll be tuning in if it comes to fruition.
