Movie Mondays (The Thursday Edition Because Kailyn Got Distracted): National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I am so bad at blogging. Yes, I know the title references both Monday and Thursday and it is neither.

Ah, well.

Note to self: Trying to be productive during the chaos of the holidays is an exercise in futility.

But on the other hand, thinking about just how crazy the holidays were puts everything in perspective. Because honestly, at least I can be thankful I'm not a member of the Griswold family. Compared to their Christmas, mine looks like a Zen Relaxation Retreat or something. 

For at least the last ten years, watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on Christmas Eve has been a tradition for my family. By some chance of fate, it turns out that it was a tradition in my husband's family as well. This year was our first Christmas in our own home together, and we continue on the tradition. I even bought the moose mugs!

From 1989, this Chevy Chase movie became a classic holiday film for a number of reasons. Though it's not without issues, I'm willing to forgive them for the sake of the holiday. Christmas Vacation was the third in the National Lampoon Vacation series, and many of the cast members from the original two films return for the Griswold family holiday catastrophe. Chevy Chase is the family patriarch Clark Griswold, Beverly D'Angelo (American History X) is the ever patient wife Ellen, Juliette Lewis (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) plays Audrey Griswold, and Johnny Galecki (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory) plays young Rusty Griswold.

(Sidebar: I've seen this movie a million times. When I found out Johnny Galecki was little twelve year old Rusty I nearly had a heart attack. It just does not compute. We're talking Pre-Roseanne Galecki. He had that sarcastic eye roll down even at a young age.)

Unlike the first two Vacation movies, the Griswold family stays home for the holidays and their family comes to them. Both sets of grandparents, a great aunt and uncle, and crazy Cousin Eddie and his family all descend on the Griswold house. Eddie is portrayed by Randy Quaid if that helps you complete a mental image of pure insanity and chaos.

It was only recently that I discovered that Christmas Vacation was written by John Hughes. It is a movie with a pedigree in that regard. The movie is hilarious, and the humor is classic Hughes. And Chevy Chase. Clark Griswold has high expectations for his family's Christmas, expectations that stem from his childhood experiences. The lights on his house must be perfect (all 25,000 of them), the tree must be perfect, the presents... every little detail needs to live up to the memories he has. Over the course of the film, through various means he has to face the reality that he can't relive those Christmas memories. Even though I don't want to ascribe too much social resonance to it, it's an important thing to remember around the holidays.

We all have those Christmas memories that we want to recreate each year. When we were younger, things seemed more perfect around Christmas. At least in retrospect. Even if things weren't perfect then, we only remember the best parts. Part of growing up is remembering the reality. We can remember old holidays, but if we dwell on them so much that it ruins our present ones, it's not worth it. Keeping family traditions alive is one thing, but creating new ones and new memories is just as, if not more, important.

...okay. Now that was just holiday schmoop. I love the movie, it's a holiday classic for my family, but now I'm going to get just a teensy bit critical. Just for a moment. And then you can go back to trolling facebook or twitter or whatever else you were doing.

Let me make something clear: I trust John Hughes as a writer. Confer: Home Alone, Beethoven, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science. The man knows what he is doing. However, there are a few things in the movie that sort of fell short of expectations. (Okay, maybe I know how Clark feels, but I'm not going to go apeshit about it.) There are certain scenes that don't seem to fit the pace of the rest of the movie, and actually bring the film to a grinding halt. The one that comes most to mind is that of Clark being stuck in the attic watching old films of family holidays past. From a writing standpoint, this was all information that could have been conveyed in interaction with his parents, who are in fact present at the house. Watching Clark watch old movies to get information on Clark's motivation... well, it bores me, and it rings of lazy writing.

The other element that irks me as a writer is the in-laws. Comments are made before the parents arrive that the in-laws don't get along with each other, but we never really see that. They are introduced but then just sort of remain in the background for the rest of the film, occasionally making snarky and rude comments. More focus falls on Cousin Eddie, and he doesn't arrive until at least half way into the movie.

But I can't even pin it all on Hughes. It could just as well be a directorial issue. Christmas Vacation was the directorial debut of Jeremiah S. Chechik. At certain points the movie just seems to run long, too long after a joke has been played out. Any number of the issues could fall on writer or director.

Issues aside, I love this film. It's a classic. I'll still watch it every year, because let's face it: Watching the Griswold Family Christmas slowly implode makes our own holidays seem so much more stress free.

Thoughts for Thursdays: Damn it, Gaga.

Originally, I had crossed my blog off my priority list for today. But then I found something on Netflix that I had intended to put on as background noise. And like a Kermit-flailing Athena, this rant sprang forth from my head fully formed.

Let me make a few things abundantly clear before I begin:

• I love the Muppets. 
• I marginally enjoy Lady Gaga. 
• I love the holiday season. 

Okay? Understood? Good. Because I don't know what I just watched, but it was the furthest thing from a Muppet Holiday Spectacular I have ever seen. 

DAMN IT, GAGA. 

And you know what? I had hopes. Not particularly high ones, but I had them. Gaga opens the show with a voice over about how the holidays for her growing up included The Muppets and their Christmas Specials. Alright, so she hooked me there. I love the Muppets, and I too watched (and still watch today) the older Muppet Christmas movies (WATCH OUT FOR THE ICY PATCH). 

And then the show started. Which holiday classic song were the Muppets performing? Well... they weren't. Gaga took the stage with her backup dancers to perform "Venus" from her new album ArtPop. The Muppets eventually join her toward the end of the song to sort of sway and sing along... but already I could this was going to be a train wreck. 

Normally I laugh along with Waldorf and Stadtler. It concerns me when I spend the whole special agreeing with them. ("There's nothing like a classic holiday song!" "And that was nothing like a classic holiday song.")

You would assume that a Holiday Spectacular would include...well, holiday music, right? Apparently not. Aside from two short inserts of Animal, Beaker, and the Swedish Chef doing their interpretations of holiday tunes, a performance of Santa Baby from Miss Piggy (which was a daydream), and a duet of Baby, It's Cold Outside between Gaga and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the entire hour special was essentially an infomercial for Gaga's newest album. 

I don't hate Gaga. I usually enjoy her music. I get her schtick. But if you promise me a Muppet Holiday Spectacular, GIVE ME A MUPPET HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR. Not the Muppets casually swaying in the background as you sing half of the album you're trying to sell. It's the holidays. Give me holiday music and classics Muppet variety show shenanigans.

Was I happy to see Sir Elton John singing Bennie and the Jets? Of course! But I'd have rather seen him do a Christmas song with the Muppets. The whole show just felt canned, and I don't just mean the audience laughter. 

I'm disappointed. I'm going to go dig out A Muppet Family Christmas to bring my spirits back up. In the meantime, I'm locking this horror show away in the vault along with the Star Wars Christmas Special. 

...yeah. It was that bad. 

Movie Mondays: Dear Santa

'Tis the season for cheesy holiday movies with plots and characters so sickeningly sweet you should make an appointment with your dentist for sometime after the first of the new year. 

This particular dose of candy cane flavored fluff is Dear Santa, a holiday made-for-television movie that premiered on Lifetime in November of 2011. Directed by Jason Priestley (yes, that Jason Priestley), this movie features Amy Acker (Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing, Angel: The Series, Person of Interest), David Haydn-Jones (Time Bomb, White House Down), Patrick Creery, and Gina Holden (Flash Gordon, Blood Ties). Normally, I'm the type that runs screaming in the other direction from Lifetime movies. They tend to make my inner writer cringe. However, it's the holidays and also the season for forgiveness, so we'll let it slide. And come on, who doesn't love a cheesy Christmas romantic comedy?

Exactly. No one. So make yourself some hot chocolate or eggnog, appropriately spiked, and settle in for a feel good film for the holidays.

Crystal Carruthers (Acker) is a spoiled, rich brat who is still living on an allowance from her loaded parents at the age of thirty. Her world revolves around shopping, socializing, and lattes. That is, until her parents give her that classic ultimatum: Crystal has to do something with her life or face being cut off from her posh lifestyle. Of course, our young socialite panics and promises her mother she'll figure something out. Her parents give her until Christmas to sort herself out.

One cheesy trope down, about a million more to go.

Crystal's panic soon subsides as it seems fate has intervened in the form of a letter to Santa, conveniently blown out of the postal carrier's hands and into Crystal's. The letter is from a young girl, Olivia, and in it she tells Santa she has only one wish for Christmas: it's the second Christmas since her mom passed away and she just wants a new wife for her dad. You can practically see the light bulb blinking on above Crystal's head, even though you know deep down that a million things could go wrong with this insane idea. But it's a romantic comedy, so take another sip of your eggnog and strap in because it's time for Crystal to go a-stalking.

(I mean that in all seriousness. She tracks down their house, and ends up trailing the father and daughter in her very conspicuous black Range Rover for a day. Never said Crystal was the brightest crayon in the box, but she gets points for effort,even if realistically it's a bit creepy.)

Crystal's trip following the stereotypically attractive single father around leads her to a Soup Kitchen, where the man presumably volunteers. Our crazy privileged protagonist wanders in and pretends she's meant to be there volunteering as well, and she meets the father, Derek (Haydn-Jones), properly. Crystal is in nothing less than a state of culture shock at being in a soup kitchen, but she makes do. She even makes a friend in the form of Pete Kennedy (Creery), the "head chef" at the soup kitchen. Pete, in his bright pink chef's jacket and designer lip gloss, fills our requirement of sassy gay friend in the film. Mark it off on your rom-com bingo cards, and take another drink of eggnog. Trust me.

Pete soon informs Crystal, that no, Derek doesn't just volunteer at the soup kitchen, he runs it. The soup kitchen had been a pet project of his late wife's and he continues to run it, keeping his promise he made to her.

So not only is he an attractive single father, he's just a genuinely good-hearted person. Merry Christmas Crystal. Let the cliche romantic comedy shenanigans begin! Including, but not limited to: making the sassy gay friend an accomplice, adorable bonding with the daughter, foiling the plots of the "evil" current girlfriend, and of course, holiday themed parties and subplots.

Is it cheesy? Yes. Can we tell it's a bit cheaply made? Definitely. Will it make you feel good? Absolutely. Yes, it has many of the holiday movie cliches, and innumerable romantic comedy tropes, but it's an adorable movie that will make you feel good and put you in the holiday spirit. Yes, Crystal starts out as a spoiled brat seeking only to help herself, but she grows over the course of the movie, and by the end you'll be cheering for her. I did.

I give Dear Santa two mugs of spiked hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. (This is my points system. I do what I want.)

If you want to check out Dear Santa, you can find it currently streaming on Netflix. It will also be shown on Lifetime on Sunday, December 22nd at 7pm and again at 11pm. It'll also air again on Christmas Eve at 2pm. 

Next week, I'll be covering another holiday favorite, and one that is a classic in my family. Check back to see which it is! Until then, what are your favorite holiday movies? Leave your answers in comments. Happy Holidays!

Thoughts for Thursdays: The Fault In Our Stars

Page 17. 

That's how long it took for John Green to put me on the verge of tears with his most recent book. Seventeen pages. I have to say that's a new record.

John Green's The Fault in Our Stars came out what feels like ages ago. (By ages I mean January of 2012. Which now that I look at it isn't really that long ago, but damn does it feel like this book sat on my shelf forever. I can be hyperbolic at times. Might want to get used to it. Also literal. Or at least I use the word "literally" correctly, which I suppose Hazel and Augustus would appropriately enjoy. Good lord, that's a long parenthetical. Oh, the blessings of non-academic writing.) I pre-ordered my copy, and I am the proud owner of a magenta J-Scribble. (...yeah, it's complicated. Just go watch this video. The man himself can explain the mess far better than I can.) I put my faith in his writing. I own copies of Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns. I've loved all his work so far, so I had little doubt that I would enjoy The Fault in Our Stars. (Hereafter called TFiOS, because come on, I'm not typing the title every time. That's just crazy talk. And I have feels to spill, so that's my priority.)

It took me awhile to finally pick up TFiOS. Between school and a million other factors, it just stayed with my other books untouched until now. But I made the choice to pack it in my carry on bag for my flight home for the holidays. My first flight was from Syracuse to Chicago. At some point during the flight it hit me that I could be flying over Indianapolis...whether I did or not, I don't care. In my mind I was.

Two things struck me most as I started reading. One, it doesn't feel like a "cancer book." I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but while yes, cancer plays a role, that's not what the book is about. I'd describe TFiOS the same way Hazel describes her favorite book, An Imperial Affliction: "But it's not a cancer book, because cancer books suck." TFiOS isn't a book about two teenagers with cancer. It's a book about two teenagers. Now, I know what you're thinking. A book, about teenagers. And that's it? How can this be? Well, technically, no, that's not it, but at the core of the story it is about Hazel and Augustus. I know, revolutionary idea. A story about... the two main characters. Mind boggling. But it works, mostly because of the second thing that struck me as I read it.

Hazel and Augustus feel real and honest. They are teenagers. I can hear their voices as I read. I can hear their inflections. I can hear the sass, the snark, the sarcasm, all of it. I hear Hazel telling the story as if she's sitting next to me, telling it with crazy, flailing hand gestures, snarky side comments and all. I feel like I'm talking to a friend, a close friend. Of course, that only makes it all the more painful and heart wrenching.

Sitting down to try and describe the emotions TFiOS evokes is hard. When I read it, I was a gibbering, emotional mess. I gasped out loud as I read it, I cried, I laughed, I turned pages more quickly hoping that it would somehow make it end...better. Don't get me wrong, the ending is beautiful, but it hurts. You become Hazel's best friend from page one, and you will become invested in the events that unfold. And it will hurt. But somehow, it's a good hurt. You'll feel better for having known these characters for what time you spent reading.

I feel like I'm not doing this book justice. I want you to read this book, but I also want you to experience the events of it organically. I want you to fall in love with Hazel and Augustus the way I did. I understand now why John was so intent on readers not spoiling what happens. It makes perfect sense. If you know precisely what is coming, it ruins it somehow. It is a part of the experience I won't take away from you. (And it only occurs to me now that it's maybe strange to refer to a New York Times Best Selling Author by his first name. I don't know him personally. It feels as if we, the fans that is, do sometimes though. Not once did it occur to me to call him John Green, or Mr. Green, or anything remotely...pretentious like that. I suppose that's a whole blog post of its own for another time.)

The Fault in Our Stars isn't just a good book. It is one of the best books I've ever read. I'd like to say that's just me being hyperbolic, but it is. Very few books have ever moved me the way TFiOS does. And for that reason, I recommend you read it. Plus, they're making a movie. They filmed it over the summer, and it is set to be released on June 6th, 2014, starring Shailene Woodley as Hazel Grace Lancaster and Ansel Elgort as Augustus Waters. I'll be watching, and I hope you will too.

You can find the author, John Green, on Youtube as half of The Vlogbrothers. You can also find him on twitter as @realjohngreen. For more information on the movie, check out @TFIOS_Movie on twitter.

Thoughts for Thursdays: Airport Observations

If you're reading this, I am either in an airplane somewhere above the Midwest or stuck in Chicago if the weather is bad.

Scratch that. I wrote that last night, thinking I'd be really productive and get this written and scheduled to post. Clearly not the case.

Pro-Tip for Flying #1: Never assume anything.

Pro-Tip for Flying #2: Always over plan and show up at least an hour before you're even meant to board the plane.

Trust me. You'll thank me when you are sitting on your flight on time to your destination.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'll return you to your regularly scheduled rambling.

The Syracuse-Hancock International Airport isn't the largest airport I've ever been in, but it has a lot in common with the others I've visited.

Airports have always fascinated me. The first time I flew was my senior year for a class trip to Washington, D.C. and our return flight from New York City. I didn't think much of the experience at the time. Our teachers were bustling us through the airport, making sure all forty of us actually made it on the plane. But since then, I've flown more, and I've observed much more as well.

Once upon a time way back in high school, my drama teacher schooled us in the art of people watching. It was a basic drama class, so we were learning basic observation skills. One point always hit home: everyone has a story. You may not know the person, you may not see them for any more than a few seconds as they run past you, but they have a story. No place is this more true than an airport. An airport isn't like a coffee shop or a park; you don't go there just to be there. Everyone in an airport is there for a specific reason. Some are passengers, some are staff, some are only there to drop another person off, but everyone has a purpose.

After a while you start to recognize certain types of people in airports. The business types are easy to pick out, briefcases in hand, on their phones and usually looking a bit haggard or irritated. The sleep deprived parents are also easily spotted. Strollers nearby, or just follow the sound of cranky children. Coming or going, everyone has somewhere else they would rather be. Yes, some people will be rude and belligerent (stress does weird things to people, that's just a fact of life), but in my experience most are pretty calm and collected.

Pro-Tip for Flying #3: If you have time to spare and walk around, be aware of your surroundings. You may not be in a hurry, but the person sprinting behind you to catch their flight may be. Be courteous.

Pro-Tip for Flying #3B: Be nice to everyone, but especially the staff and crew members. Yes, that includes the TSA. They're just doing their jobs. Don't be a dick.

Even some of my most insane experiences in airports have been memorable. One of my most pleasant memories of flying happened in Chicago. It was Memorial Day, and I was flying to New York. I was moving to New York, practically alone because my husband was overseas. But I had graduated and was on my way. My connecting flight was in Chicago, and the flight from Chicago to Watertown got delayed enough that I had time to stop for lunch. It was a rough day honestly. When your husband is deployed and the airport plays Taps about every half hour it starts to get to you.

I went into a restaurant and was grabbing a table when a woman got my attention. She asked if I was eating alone, and when I said I was, she offered me a seat and asked me to join her. A glass of red wine in hand, she told me she didn't believe in eating alone when you can avoid it. The sentiment alone cheered me up and I joined her. We talked and had lunch, and while I don't remember all the details of the conversation, I remember having a genuinely pleasant experience. We shared stories. We had great conversation, and though I doubt I'll ever see her again it is a memory I won't forget.

Everyone has a story. As a writer, part of me watches and tries to think of those stories. But sometimes you're lucky enough to hear them. Either way, it makes airports all the more interesting to me.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a flight to board.

An Introduction

They teach you in school how to write a proper introduction. State your thesis, talk briefly about what you'll discuss, and then restate your thesis and transition into your first point. I'll be honest: I've never been that great at writing introductions or even small talk for that matter. It's even more difficult when I only have a vague idea of what I really want to do with this blog.

But I suppose that's as good a place to start as any.

It's been a while since I've done this whole blogging thing, so I want to put myself on a schedule of sorts, but not one that will make me hate this after only a few weeks. (It has happened before. Trust me, it wasn't pretty. Tears were shed and threats were made against a poor defenseless computer. His name was Ian, and he's all but retired now.)

For now I want to post on Mondays and Thursdays.

Movie Mondays: I'll post a review of a movie, new or old, classic or cult, widely received or hardly seen. I'll give a spoiler free review, and then look more in depth at the movie, talking about the actors, director(s), and the actual production value of the film. I love movies, but I'm also that crazy person sitting in the corner scouring IMDB for factoids. I'm the type who watches all the special features and listens to the director commentaries. I'm going to use this as my medium to quit driving my friends and husband insane, but I also hope it's entertaining and informative.

Thoughts for Thursdays: My version of The Vlogbrothers' Thoughts From Places. I'm better with words on a page than video blogging. I'll blog about observations and other topics I just want to talk about. Sometimes that will include book reviews, music reviews, or even just me rambling on about a specific person or issue. 

Okay, see. I told you I was bad at this. I told you what I want to do... but I haven't told you anything about me. And now the blinking cursor is taunting me. I'd rather talk about movies, books, music... anything but myself honestly. Though I suppose the things I talk about inform partly on myself. Or some other psychological chatter. I'll try to be brief.

I'd happily consider myself a nerd. I have fairly eclectic tastes in books, movies, and music, so you'll likely see a lot of that reflected here. I mean, on a given morning I can go from listening to Metallica's Enter Sandman to the Soundtrack from Disney's Tangled. (And if you tell me you don't sing along with I've Got A Dream, you're a dirty filthy liar.)

I'm very guilty of fangirling, to the point even of flailing, and no fandom or interest I have is exempt from this. I once flailed because I discovered my oven has a timer that counts down to when it's preheated. No joke. My husband laughed at me.

I have a degree in Classics from the University of Missouri in Columbia. (Go Tigers!) I also took minors in History and English. I took classes in Creative Writing, and I would like to consider myself a science fiction/fantasy writer, but it's been a while since I've written anything original. More than once I've wondered if I should have taken the Screenwriting track of classes instead. I've never been a Math and Science person, Humanities and Languages have always clicked more with me for whatever reason, but I do find science fascinating. But start throwing equations at me and I'll happily tell you it's more confusing than Greek to me. And I didn't even take Greek.

I'm a cat person and always have been. My husband and I have two cats, Shyla and Loki. I named the latter, and yes, I did shoot myself in the foot with that one. He lives up to his name every day. Loki is on the left, Shyla is on the right.

I like cold weather and will generally grimace in the direction of anything really warm. The way I see it, you can always put more clothes on, but there are only so many layers you can take off before you get arrested for indecent exposure.

I thoroughly enjoy British television and comedy. I trace my love of the crazy little island to repeated viewings of Mary Poppins as a child.

And now the cursor is taunting me again.

Yeah, that's all I've got for now. "For now" being the key words here. But it's only an introduction. Actual content to follow, I hope. Keep your eyes open on Mondays and Thursday for new posts. You can also follow me on Twitter and Instagram as @kshartel.

Endings. I'm bad at those too.