Supernatural: Bloodlines or A Supernatural Rehash

When Jeremy Carver and Robert Singer announced at Comic Con last summer that a spinoff of Supernatural was being developed, I had mixed feelings. Yes, fans of Supernatural and the cast themselves joke about the show going on until Sam and Dean are chasing down monsters with their walkers, but it's simply that: a joke. Some have been following the show since episode one back in 2005, others like myself are still newer fans.

But I think I can safely say the fandom agrees on two things. One, we don't want to hate the show. We would prefer it end on a high note and go out in a Winchester worthy blaze of glory than be cancelled because we've all grown tired of it. Two, it's not about the monsters. It's not about angels and demons, even if a large number of us are far too attached to Cas and Crowley. It's about the brothers. Sam and Dean drive the show, and the fandom is all cooped up in the back of the Impala for the ride. Whether you're a fan of Sam, or if you prefer Dean, we watch for the brothers. We get upset when they're upset. Some of the best moments of the show have been when the boys are at odds with each other, but it's what brings them back to center that keeps us all watching. We've watched them become men over the last nine years. We've been with them the heaven and hell and back. Literally.

So I return to my original thought: I had mixed feelings on the thought of a spinoff. Because for me, and my friends in the fandom, yeah we love the genre. We love the "monster of the week" trope, and we love seeing the boys in their element. But take the boys out of the equation? Well, that's not why we're here.

So before I begin my review properly I will say this, and I'm looking at you CW: You cannot just pick up a fandom from one show and expect them to immediately fall in love with a completely brand new set of characters they know nothing about just because you call it a spinoff.

Now, if you want to watch the episode without being spoiled, I'd say go watch it now and then come back.

Did you watch it? Yeah. I know. Trust me, I know.

Moving on.

The basic premise of the show is that, unbeknownst to apparently civilians and the Winchesters, five monster families control Chicago. Named so far are the Shifters, the Werewolves, and the Djinn. I'd say Vampires are also included, but we all know that the vamps are running New Orleans. (Seriously, CW. We're not amused. Though we are rolling our eyes at the irony of casting an Original vamp (Nathan Buzolic aka Kol) as a lead member of the Shifter family.)

The cold open runs fairly quickly, introducing a lot of characters and some conflict. But the main point before the titles? Monsters are in Chicago. It looks like war is beginning, and a young man's girlfriend dies in the crossfire.

And yes, I know what you're thinking. "His girlfriend died? But isn't that what..." Yes. That is exactly the same way that Sam started hunting. Come on, Supernatural. You know better than to pull that on us.

Cue titles, and we see the young man, Ennis, in an interrogation room, explaining what he saw the night before. Of course the officer thinks he's crazy, because like every civilian in Supernatural, he's describing monsters. We get a smattering of back story alluding to a dead and formerly absentee father (yes, I know, it's season one all over again), and then everyone's favorite FBI agents arrive.

At which point I breathed a sigh of relief.

After the boys leave, it just starts to roll downhill fast. The thing about backdoor pilots is that you have a lot of new information to tell your audience, but the pace of the show has to keep up with the format enough to keep them drawn in.

This leads to awkward exposition that makes my inner writer cringe, and characters that just seem like puppets spouting lines with no real motivation or development.

We get the back story on the families, or at least two of them, the Shifters and the Werewolves. It's an infodump, honestly. We see Ennis trying to get to the bottom of who killed his girlfriend, and one of the Shifters is trying to find out who killed his brother and potentially avert a war. Their search leads them right back into the Winchesters' path. The Shifter's werewolf ex girlfriend is taken by the killer, and our Chicago characters join up with the Winchesters.

Clearly more exposition happened in the car, because Dean sums everything up when he gets out. "What is this? Godfather with fangs?"

You understand us, Dean. You really do.

Shifter boy gets caught by what we now see is a creepy psychopath human with a mechanical claws made of silver. He has a vendetta against the families for killing his son. Like you do.

(Though my friend Brittany was spot on: "Plot twist: it’s not a monster at all. It’s the dude from last week’s Hannibal in his cave bear suit.")

The Winchesters and Ennis swoop in to save Romeo and Juliet (I can't remember their names, because this was all I could see), and Ennis shoots the killer after giving a drama laced delivery of "I only see one monster here."

Romeo and Juliet go back to their respective families, and it's clear though that all parties still want a war. I smell the Great Chicago Fire of 2014 coming. Sam and Dean try to talk Ennis out of hunting, but it's a pilot, so of course he's not going to listen. Where would be the fun in that?

But oh wait! Actual plot calls. Literally. Dean gets a call from Cas about Metatron and the boys are on their way out of Chicago. We'll see how that pays off next week. But in the meantime, Ennis is looking through his dad's old things.

And then his cellphone rings. It's his dead dad. Telling him not to become a hunter. And then he just hangs up. And the episode ends. Finally.

I'd tell you to take a shot for every parallel to early seasons of Supernatural in this episode, but I don't want you to sue me when you get alcohol poisoning and end up in the hospital.

The whole episode felt forced. Sam and Dean were their usual selves, and it was a welcome breath of fresh air. I know logically that given time to develop these characters could become something incredible, but based on this first impression, my expectations are low.

And for those of you staring at the ratings and saying, "But surely it must have been good! Look at these numbers!" It's Supernatural. It's Tuesday. You put it on our screens, we will tune in. That's how this fandom works. It's not because it was the Bloodlines backdoor pilot, it's because it was an episode of Supernatural. I know that sounds overly simple, but that's it.

I am curious to see how the network is going to respond. We'll know for sure come next fall.

In the meantime, some spinoffs that I'd rather see than Bloodlines.

Supernatural: Mills Girls - The adventures of Jodie Mills and her now pseudo-daughter Alex. In the style of Gilmore Girls, so insert Jared Padalecki as needed.

Supernatural: Full WereHouse - Garth and his new family, and stories of all the "strays" they take in.

Supernatural: Trouble in Oz - The Adventures of Charlie Bradbury and Dorothy. Enough said.

Supernatural: Mother Knows Best - Living with your mother isn't easy. It's even harder when you're a ghost. The adventures of Kevin and Mrs. Tran.

Submitted for consideration by my friend Brittany are:

Supernatural: 7th Heaven and Hell: Split between following our favorite angels and demons around, seeing how the other half really lives.

Supernatural: The Walking, Talking Dead - The continuing stories of everyone who has ever died on the show and what they're doing now. (I assume there is always a party going on at that big Roadhouse in the sky.)

And of course, courtesy of Mark Sheppard himself, Oh, Crowley, which needs no description.

The key to all of these? They focus on characters from the show that we already love.

A suggestion, really. My first impression of Supernatural: Bloodlines is not a good one, and I can't honestly say I'll be tuning in if it comes to fruition.

Oscar Sunday 2014: Pre-Awards Breakdown

It's Oscar Sunday. It's Film Nerd Superbowl basically.

I won't lie to you, I haven't seen all the nominated films. But I'm going to do my best to breakdown what we could potentially be looking at in terms of results this evening. The Golden Globes tend to give us a bit of a sneak peek into who might take home the Oscar, but it's not a perfect science. It wouldn't be the first year there's been a discrepancy between the Globes and Oscars.

Not always a bad thing though. (Unless Leo loses the Oscar, but more on him later.)

Might as well start at the top with the Best Picture Nominees. (Also, are we just going to nominate every film from this year for Best Picture? There are nine nominees. That just seems a bit excessive. Until 2009, only five films earned a Best Picture nomination. I call shenanigans, Academy.)

• American Hustle
• The film is up for nine other Oscars across the board, including Best Actor and Actress and Best Supporting Actor and Actress. Director Russell was nominated last year for Silver Linings Playbook, in which he first directed both Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, but he lost to Ang Lee's Life of Pi. Cooper and Lawrence join Christian Bale and Amy Adams in the stunning cast rife with nominations. The film brought home the Golden Globe for Best Picture. 
• Captain Phillips
• The film is up for five other Oscars, though mostly in the minor categories. Barkhad Abdi is nominated for Best Actor in a Supporting Role, but Tom Hanks missed the boat for Best Actor. (Okay, yeah. That was terrible. I know. I feel bad about that pun, but come on.) Just playing the numbers, the film will be lucky to take home anything. It didn't bring home any Golden Globes, and it is facing tough contenders in each category in which it's nominated. 
• Dallas Buyers Club
• The film is up for five other Oscars, including Best Actor and Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto both took home Golden Globes for their performances in the film, but the Globes also separate Drama performances. Their competition for the Oscar is steep, but they each might be able to pull out a win. I'll be surprised if the film doesn't win the Oscar for Best Makeup and Hairstyling though. 
• Gravity
• The film is up for nine other Oscars across the board, in everything from Best Actress to Best Sound Editing. The film has been perhaps the most talked about film this year, but in part due to acclaimed Astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson's now infamous fact checking of the film on Twitter. Even with the issues though, Tyson gave the film a positive review. Director Alfonso Cuaron took home the Golden Globe for Directing, and is looking for a repeat at the Oscars. (I'm just going to sit here in my corner and try not to think about the atrocities done to The Prisoner of Azkaban. Yes. I know it's been ten years, but I'm still not over it.)
• Her 
• The film is up for three other Oscars, including Best Score, Best Production Design, and Best Original Screenplay. The film took home the corresponding Golden Globe for Best Screenplay, and very well could take the Oscar. The film has received a lot of media hype based around it's conceit (that of a man falling in love with a computer operating system), but we'll see if the social media crazed society gives Spike Jonze the Oscar. 
• Nebraska
• The film is up for four other Oscars, including Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress. The film did not win anything at the Golden Globes, and while I may not be the most socially aware person in the world, I think it is indicative of something that prior to the Golden Globes I'd never even heard of the film. 
• Philomena
• The film is up for three other Oscars, including a nomination for Dame Judi Dench for Best Actress in a Leading Role. The film did not win any of its corresponding awards for which they are nominated at the Golden Globes. It had relative success in the film festival circuit, but whether it will take home any awards tonight remains to be seen. It faces stiff competition in each category in which it's nominated. 
• Twelve Years a Slave
• The film is up for eight other Oscars, across the board. It is one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year, even though it only took home one Golden Globe. (Though, it was the Globe for Best Motion Picture Drama.) It has the potential to sweep, but with the films it it nominated against, the odds could be slim. 
• The Wolf of Wall Street 
• The film is up for four other Oscars, including a Best Actor in a Leading Role nomination for Leonardo DiCaprio. Martin Scorscse is nominated for his Direction of the film. Unfortunately, DiCaprio's Golden Globe win was the only Globe win for the film. Compared to the other nominees, it could be something of an underdog, but it has a chance of winning at least one Oscar. 

(Yeah, this NINE nominee shenanigans is insane. TAKE NOTE ACADEMY.) 

Despite there being nine nominees, there are still some of note that haven't been mentioned yet. 

The Oscar for Best Animated Feature will be between The Croods, Despicable Me 2, Frozen, Ernest & Celestine, and The Wind Rises. The category is going to be a heated battle. Frozen just capped one billion in box office sales, but with Hayao Miyazaki's retirement major news in the animated world The Wind Rises could give it a solid run for it's substantial pile of money. I may be biased, but I'm throwing my hat in for Frozen. 

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug  is up for three Oscars: Sound Editing, Visual Effects, and Sound Mixing. I only have one word to describe why they very well could win all three: Cumbersmaug. Though the nerds will be divided on the Visual Effects: Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness are also up for the Oscar. Those are three fandoms you don't want to mess with, man. I'll be hiding in the bunker with a white flag. 

The Best Costume Design Oscar is likely going to go period piece this year, and either go to American Hustle or The Great Gatsby. Both films were visually stunning, even just from promotional stills, and that is due in great part to the styling in the costumes. They make the period what it is. 

The Best Original Song category could really go anywhere this year. "Let It Go" from Frozen, "Happy" from Despicable Me 2, "The Moon Song" from Her, and "No Ordinary Love" from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom are all nominated. My inner Disney and Broadway nerd wants "Let It Go" to take it, but all the nominees are solid. However, all the songs will be performed during the telecast, so we all win, I think. 

The internet has had a lot to say about this year's nominations. Jennifer Lawrence is practically worshipped by the internet, and they're calling for a reprise of her Oscar win last year. But even J-Law is overshadowed this year. Leonardo DiCaprio is once more nominated for an Oscar, and everyone is awaiting anxiously to find out if this will be the year. He is nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role for his performance in The Wolf of Wall Street, and he won the Golden Globe for it. 

But the Internet is wary and distrusting of the Academy. It wouldn't be the first time Leo has been snubbed by the Academy. Not even the second. Leo has missed his chance, so to speak, so many times, he's become a meme. 

My predictions? It's frankly hard to say as I've not seen the movies. However, I'd like Frozen to win, and I'd like to see J-Law, Amy Adams, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Jared Leto to take home Oscars. Aside from that, we'll just have to wait and see.

So now we sit and wait. 

The telecast begins on ABC at 8:30pm Eastern Standard Time, and Ellen DeGeneres hosts. Special performances are scheduled from Bette Midler, Pink, Idina Menzel, U2, Pharrell and Karen O. I'll be livetweeting the show over on my twitter, @kshartel. 

Who are you rooting for? 

Disney's Frozen or Damn it, Elsa, No One Asked for a Polar Vortex

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect when I went to see Frozen. I'd heard that it was Disney, good, and that Idina Menzel was singing in it. All three of which were more than enough for me to shrug and say sure, why not? I'd not really seen any of the promotional materials. I knew it had a quirky, anthropomorphic snowman, but that was about it.

Admittedly, I'd also been watching Tangled on repeat for about three days at this point. I was in a mood, and Frozen was well in that wheelhouse. Or so I was hoping. So perhaps while I didn't know what to expect, my standards were also a bit higher as a result.

I'd also like to take this chance to thank my husband. He deserves some sort of Best Husband award for willfully taking me to see a Disney movie at the cinema. And not only that, but sitting through it with me despite the screaming children. Oh yeah. Screaming children.

But to the point: Frozen. I had heard good from people who had seen it, but not anything actually about the plot. Just a lot of flailing and crying about feels, to be honest. Though, having seen the movie, I can't disagree with the sentiment.

In short, I loved Frozen. I'll admit, it's not without its issues, but it is a solid (...there's a pun there somewhere) film. The story is an adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen story "The Snow Queen". The film focuses on two sisters, Elsa and Anna. Elsa, from birth, is "cursed" with the ability to create and manipulate snow and ice. From an early point in the movie, we are shown the downside to these powers, and Elsa does her best to hide away to protect those around her, namely her younger sister Anna.

However, when Elsa comes of age and becomes Queen, her powers are exposed in a somewhat troublesome way. She flees the kingdom. Anna, worried that she's lost her sister for good, goes after her, trekking into the mountains in hopes of bringing Elsa home. She leaves her fiance Hans in charge of the kingdom. Anna quickly discovers that setting off on her own wasn't the best or brightest idea she's ever had, but luckily she meets Kristoff, a young man who knows the area well. Kristoff, after a bit of...persuasion, agrees to help Anna find Elsa. Kristoff has a reindeer named Sven who could take Maximus from Tangled in a sass-off. In the journey to find Elsa, Anna and Kristoff come across a snowman named Olaf, who has longs to find out what summer feels like.

Yeah. Shhhh. We don't tell Olaf what happens in summer. That would be cruel.

The film handles flipping between three settings fairly well. We see Elsa in her Ice Palace, Kristoff and Anna trekking up the mountain, and what's happening back in the Kingdom. It brings all three together almost seamlessly. It doesn't really come as a surprise that Frozen won the Golden Globe for Best Animated Feature Film and that it is nominated for the Oscar as well.

Now for the technical mumbo jumbo I so dearly enjoy.

We'll start with the music. The tone of the music throughout fits the story, and with a cast full of Broadway alumni it was beautifully executed. One thing about it shocked me though: it wasn't written by Alan Menken. I know. It's strange. It made my head spin a bit. I don't love it any less as a result, but it did shake me slightly. Yes, I know Disney is capable of hiring other writers, but as someone who grew up on Menken-style Disney...well. You get the picture.

Here's the kicker though. The original music was written by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Mark Lopez. Doesn't sound familiar? Well, this will. Mark Lopez is more well known for two of his little Broadway projects: The Book of Mormon and Avenue Q.

So, Broadway veteran songwriters and Broadway alums belting it out? I was giddy. Well and properly giddy. Let It Go, Elsa's main solo, was nominated for Best Original Song at the Golden Globes, and has scored the same nomination for this year's Oscars. I'll admit: I've only listened to the album/movie version. I haven't listened to the Demi Lovato version. But come on, Elsa is voiced by Idina Menzel. I'll get to the cast (because boy, do I have some flailing to do about them), but first, Let It Go:

Just take a minute to recover. I hope so, because now I need to talk about the cast.

• Elsa -Voiced by Idina Menzel: Where to begin to talk about Idina? Broadway, really. She's known perhaps most in the Broadway world as the original Maureen Johnson from Jonathan Larson's RENT and also as the original Elphaba from Wicked. She has a few scattered film credits, including Disney's Enchanted. I enjoyed Enchanted, but as a fan of Idina I was disappointed that they didn't really make use of her singing abilities. I'm glad that Disney didn't squander such a good business relationship. When you have an ace like Idina Menzel in your hand for a musical, you make good use of it. I loved her as Elsa, and Let It Go is slowly but surely climbing its way up into my list of favorite Disney songs.
• Anna - Voiced by Kristen Bell: I'm in agreement with the internet: why did we not know before now that she could sing? Whatever the reason, I'm glad we know now. Odds are you'll be most familiar with Kristen as the star of Veronica Mars and for her role in Gossip Girl. She brought a comedic edge and personality to Anna that developed the character past what the lines simply read. 
• Hans - Voiced by Santino Fontana: I know. You're wondering who he is. I did too, honestly. If you're looking for major television roles, you won't find many. However, Fontana is yet another Broadway alum on the cast. The theater world knows him far better. He was the original Tony in Billy Elliot, and he is currently on Broadway as Prince Topher in Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella, for which he earned a Tony nomination.
• Kristoff - Voiced by Jonathan Groff: Yet another Broadway alum packed into the film. But with that comes one of my only problems with the film: JGroff has a Broadway background, is a major character in the film...but his only song isn't even a minute long. He has some scattered film and television credits, most notable his upcoming performance as Craig in the film version The Normal Heart. He originated the role of Melchior in Spring Awakening on Broadway. 
• Olaf - Voiced by Josh Gad: If you're playing Broadway bingo with your cast list, you can check off this one too. He's got various and sundry television credits, but he's more known as Elder Cunningham from Broadway's Book of Mormon. I don't think I can imagine anyone else as Olaf, he brings something special to the role. 

(And while not a major character, I am obligated as a Whedon fan to share with you that Alan Tudyk is the voice of the Duke of Weselton. The man is just freaking everywhere, I tell you.)

Frozen spent a number of years on the development boards at Disney. Ideas were scrapped and it kept being putting aside because it just wasn't working they way they wanted it to. But something finally clicked and all the pieces fell into place. With the success of Tangled and Wreck-It Ralph looming, they had a standard to reach with Frozen. And I think if they didn't get there, they got pretty damn close. I'll give it four out of five carrots, but only because I think Sven ate the fifth one. 

Agree or disagree? Also, let me know what movie you think I should review next. It is award season, but I'll take any and all suggestions! 

Normally I Like Schedules

I do. I swear. Normally I can be downright anal retentive about schedules. Apparently this blog seems to be an exception to that though. But hey, things happen. Real life, that's a thing.

So while this blog is serving as a way to expend some pent up creative writing energy, I'm also reminded that real life gets in the way sometimes. (You know, the thing that happens when you put your phone or computer away? I know, it's scary as hell, but I promise you it does in fact exist.)

...the above is also a reason why I'm writing this blog before I tell you about my opinions of Disney's Frozen. No, not real life. That ridiculous parenthetical you just read. Because even as I was planning out my review of Frozen in my head, I was already editing it, and while it may seem like I ramble on here a lot, a lot of the more chaotic stuff gets edited out.

Rambletastic. That's a word for it. And screw you, spell check. It's totally a word. It's an adjective describing something (in this case my writing) that has a tendency to go on and on and on... well. You get the picture. If not...I have a few pictures for you. There is a point here, trust me.

When I was in high school, I had a psych teacher who was a little off the wall, but he was a damn good teacher. My best friend Desirae and I used to describe his way of lecturing as follows:

There are a few different kinds of people. You have people who when they speak get directly from Point A to Point B. Like so.

Figure 1

You also have people who talk in circles, which can either mean they never actually reach the point they were trying to make, or they do and it just takes a while. Like so.

Figure 2

Now, while we were sorely tempted to just describe our teacher as the third type, it wasn't so simple. Now, normally when we tell this story, this is where the random flailing begins. I've done my best to reproduce it visually. (MS Paint is a bitch.) 

Figure 3

Our teacher always eventually got to the point, but it usually took the whole class. Now, I know what you're thinking. "I've had those teachers, and they're soooooo damn boring." Not so, dear reader. Even though it seemed like quite a journey to ever get to the point, the tangents were stories and usually entertaining and educational in their own right. 

Figure three is how I would best describe "Rambletastic." (See what I did there? It's all one giant freaking metaphor.) To use the word in a sentence I would say: "I'm sorry, but this blog is going to be more rambletastic than I may have led you to believe." 

But I hope that's okay. It's the way I talk, if you know me outside these little marks on your computer or phone, and it's the way I verbally tell stories. (I took a Classics degree. I'll go on and on about Oral Tradition in another blog. And yes. Take a moment and giggle at the innuendo, I know you planned to anyway. I'll wait here.) 

Done giggling? Lovely. 

I have a lot of memories from high school. Some good, some bad, some we shall never speak of. One in particular that still makes me laugh to this day was from my senior year. I was in the midst of applying to universities and had given my English teacher Mrs. Hicks one of the various reference forms that she had been kind enough to agree to fill out. (I'm reading that sentence and imagining her cringing at the structure, but I'm going to just leave it there because otherwise I'm going to lose my train of thought.) It was after school, and I went to her class room to pick up the forms from her. She was nearly done, but needed a few minutes more. I wasn't in a hurry, so I waited in her classroom while she took the form and went down the hall. 

After about twenty minutes she came back with the form. The form had a question that asked the reference to describe the applicant in something like three single words. Something ridiculous. As I recall, she told me that she had gone down the hall to visit one of the other English teachers who knew me well and they had discussed for the twenty minutes whether "quirky" was a positive descriptor or negative. They both agreed that in context it was positive, but she left it off the reference because in a strict sense (read: the dictionary) it wasn't as positive as maybe would have been prudent. 

Quirky. To this day, I'm still very okay with that descriptor. You're likely going to hear a number of references to the English Department at my high school. They understood me. 

And for the record, the latter English Teacher who pulled off the assist? She has a blog too, and frankly she's way better at this nonsense than I am. You can find her over at The Conscientious Reader. I mean come on, that just sounds like some sort of awesome professional blogger madness. Stephanie is a hoot. I lent her my copy of John Green's An Abundance of Katherines when I was in...maybe junior year? She finished it sometime while I was in college, but by then I'd just gone ahead and bought another copy. It's only fair though, I'm still working my way through the copy of Bill Bryson's Notes from a Small Island that she gifted me some time ago.

(Marginally off topic, but the New York State requirements to get certified to be an English teacher are mind boggling. Gave myself a headache just trying to sort through them.)

You see why it takes me so long to get a review up? I have to sift through all the other crap rummaging around in my head to get to anything about the actual movie. 

I'm going to attempt to get back on the schedule. Somehow. It may or may not work. Either way, I am going to actively attempt to keep up with this blog. 

Expect my thoughts on Disney's Frozen soon. And I mean that this time. 

Cheers, 

KH

Movie Mondays (The Thursday Edition Because Kailyn Got Distracted): National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I am so bad at blogging. Yes, I know the title references both Monday and Thursday and it is neither.

Ah, well.

Note to self: Trying to be productive during the chaos of the holidays is an exercise in futility.

But on the other hand, thinking about just how crazy the holidays were puts everything in perspective. Because honestly, at least I can be thankful I'm not a member of the Griswold family. Compared to their Christmas, mine looks like a Zen Relaxation Retreat or something. 

For at least the last ten years, watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation on Christmas Eve has been a tradition for my family. By some chance of fate, it turns out that it was a tradition in my husband's family as well. This year was our first Christmas in our own home together, and we continue on the tradition. I even bought the moose mugs!

From 1989, this Chevy Chase movie became a classic holiday film for a number of reasons. Though it's not without issues, I'm willing to forgive them for the sake of the holiday. Christmas Vacation was the third in the National Lampoon Vacation series, and many of the cast members from the original two films return for the Griswold family holiday catastrophe. Chevy Chase is the family patriarch Clark Griswold, Beverly D'Angelo (American History X) is the ever patient wife Ellen, Juliette Lewis (What's Eating Gilbert Grape) plays Audrey Griswold, and Johnny Galecki (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory) plays young Rusty Griswold.

(Sidebar: I've seen this movie a million times. When I found out Johnny Galecki was little twelve year old Rusty I nearly had a heart attack. It just does not compute. We're talking Pre-Roseanne Galecki. He had that sarcastic eye roll down even at a young age.)

Unlike the first two Vacation movies, the Griswold family stays home for the holidays and their family comes to them. Both sets of grandparents, a great aunt and uncle, and crazy Cousin Eddie and his family all descend on the Griswold house. Eddie is portrayed by Randy Quaid if that helps you complete a mental image of pure insanity and chaos.

It was only recently that I discovered that Christmas Vacation was written by John Hughes. It is a movie with a pedigree in that regard. The movie is hilarious, and the humor is classic Hughes. And Chevy Chase. Clark Griswold has high expectations for his family's Christmas, expectations that stem from his childhood experiences. The lights on his house must be perfect (all 25,000 of them), the tree must be perfect, the presents... every little detail needs to live up to the memories he has. Over the course of the film, through various means he has to face the reality that he can't relive those Christmas memories. Even though I don't want to ascribe too much social resonance to it, it's an important thing to remember around the holidays.

We all have those Christmas memories that we want to recreate each year. When we were younger, things seemed more perfect around Christmas. At least in retrospect. Even if things weren't perfect then, we only remember the best parts. Part of growing up is remembering the reality. We can remember old holidays, but if we dwell on them so much that it ruins our present ones, it's not worth it. Keeping family traditions alive is one thing, but creating new ones and new memories is just as, if not more, important.

...okay. Now that was just holiday schmoop. I love the movie, it's a holiday classic for my family, but now I'm going to get just a teensy bit critical. Just for a moment. And then you can go back to trolling facebook or twitter or whatever else you were doing.

Let me make something clear: I trust John Hughes as a writer. Confer: Home Alone, Beethoven, Uncle Buck, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and Weird Science. The man knows what he is doing. However, there are a few things in the movie that sort of fell short of expectations. (Okay, maybe I know how Clark feels, but I'm not going to go apeshit about it.) There are certain scenes that don't seem to fit the pace of the rest of the movie, and actually bring the film to a grinding halt. The one that comes most to mind is that of Clark being stuck in the attic watching old films of family holidays past. From a writing standpoint, this was all information that could have been conveyed in interaction with his parents, who are in fact present at the house. Watching Clark watch old movies to get information on Clark's motivation... well, it bores me, and it rings of lazy writing.

The other element that irks me as a writer is the in-laws. Comments are made before the parents arrive that the in-laws don't get along with each other, but we never really see that. They are introduced but then just sort of remain in the background for the rest of the film, occasionally making snarky and rude comments. More focus falls on Cousin Eddie, and he doesn't arrive until at least half way into the movie.

But I can't even pin it all on Hughes. It could just as well be a directorial issue. Christmas Vacation was the directorial debut of Jeremiah S. Chechik. At certain points the movie just seems to run long, too long after a joke has been played out. Any number of the issues could fall on writer or director.

Issues aside, I love this film. It's a classic. I'll still watch it every year, because let's face it: Watching the Griswold Family Christmas slowly implode makes our own holidays seem so much more stress free.

Thoughts for Thursdays: Damn it, Gaga.

Originally, I had crossed my blog off my priority list for today. But then I found something on Netflix that I had intended to put on as background noise. And like a Kermit-flailing Athena, this rant sprang forth from my head fully formed.

Let me make a few things abundantly clear before I begin:

• I love the Muppets. 
• I marginally enjoy Lady Gaga. 
• I love the holiday season. 

Okay? Understood? Good. Because I don't know what I just watched, but it was the furthest thing from a Muppet Holiday Spectacular I have ever seen. 

DAMN IT, GAGA. 

And you know what? I had hopes. Not particularly high ones, but I had them. Gaga opens the show with a voice over about how the holidays for her growing up included The Muppets and their Christmas Specials. Alright, so she hooked me there. I love the Muppets, and I too watched (and still watch today) the older Muppet Christmas movies (WATCH OUT FOR THE ICY PATCH). 

And then the show started. Which holiday classic song were the Muppets performing? Well... they weren't. Gaga took the stage with her backup dancers to perform "Venus" from her new album ArtPop. The Muppets eventually join her toward the end of the song to sort of sway and sing along... but already I could this was going to be a train wreck. 

Normally I laugh along with Waldorf and Stadtler. It concerns me when I spend the whole special agreeing with them. ("There's nothing like a classic holiday song!" "And that was nothing like a classic holiday song.")

You would assume that a Holiday Spectacular would include...well, holiday music, right? Apparently not. Aside from two short inserts of Animal, Beaker, and the Swedish Chef doing their interpretations of holiday tunes, a performance of Santa Baby from Miss Piggy (which was a daydream), and a duet of Baby, It's Cold Outside between Gaga and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the entire hour special was essentially an infomercial for Gaga's newest album. 

I don't hate Gaga. I usually enjoy her music. I get her schtick. But if you promise me a Muppet Holiday Spectacular, GIVE ME A MUPPET HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR. Not the Muppets casually swaying in the background as you sing half of the album you're trying to sell. It's the holidays. Give me holiday music and classics Muppet variety show shenanigans.

Was I happy to see Sir Elton John singing Bennie and the Jets? Of course! But I'd have rather seen him do a Christmas song with the Muppets. The whole show just felt canned, and I don't just mean the audience laughter. 

I'm disappointed. I'm going to go dig out A Muppet Family Christmas to bring my spirits back up. In the meantime, I'm locking this horror show away in the vault along with the Star Wars Christmas Special. 

...yeah. It was that bad. 

Movie Mondays: Dear Santa

'Tis the season for cheesy holiday movies with plots and characters so sickeningly sweet you should make an appointment with your dentist for sometime after the first of the new year. 

This particular dose of candy cane flavored fluff is Dear Santa, a holiday made-for-television movie that premiered on Lifetime in November of 2011. Directed by Jason Priestley (yes, that Jason Priestley), this movie features Amy Acker (Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing, Angel: The Series, Person of Interest), David Haydn-Jones (Time Bomb, White House Down), Patrick Creery, and Gina Holden (Flash Gordon, Blood Ties). Normally, I'm the type that runs screaming in the other direction from Lifetime movies. They tend to make my inner writer cringe. However, it's the holidays and also the season for forgiveness, so we'll let it slide. And come on, who doesn't love a cheesy Christmas romantic comedy?

Exactly. No one. So make yourself some hot chocolate or eggnog, appropriately spiked, and settle in for a feel good film for the holidays.

Crystal Carruthers (Acker) is a spoiled, rich brat who is still living on an allowance from her loaded parents at the age of thirty. Her world revolves around shopping, socializing, and lattes. That is, until her parents give her that classic ultimatum: Crystal has to do something with her life or face being cut off from her posh lifestyle. Of course, our young socialite panics and promises her mother she'll figure something out. Her parents give her until Christmas to sort herself out.

One cheesy trope down, about a million more to go.

Crystal's panic soon subsides as it seems fate has intervened in the form of a letter to Santa, conveniently blown out of the postal carrier's hands and into Crystal's. The letter is from a young girl, Olivia, and in it she tells Santa she has only one wish for Christmas: it's the second Christmas since her mom passed away and she just wants a new wife for her dad. You can practically see the light bulb blinking on above Crystal's head, even though you know deep down that a million things could go wrong with this insane idea. But it's a romantic comedy, so take another sip of your eggnog and strap in because it's time for Crystal to go a-stalking.

(I mean that in all seriousness. She tracks down their house, and ends up trailing the father and daughter in her very conspicuous black Range Rover for a day. Never said Crystal was the brightest crayon in the box, but she gets points for effort,even if realistically it's a bit creepy.)

Crystal's trip following the stereotypically attractive single father around leads her to a Soup Kitchen, where the man presumably volunteers. Our crazy privileged protagonist wanders in and pretends she's meant to be there volunteering as well, and she meets the father, Derek (Haydn-Jones), properly. Crystal is in nothing less than a state of culture shock at being in a soup kitchen, but she makes do. She even makes a friend in the form of Pete Kennedy (Creery), the "head chef" at the soup kitchen. Pete, in his bright pink chef's jacket and designer lip gloss, fills our requirement of sassy gay friend in the film. Mark it off on your rom-com bingo cards, and take another drink of eggnog. Trust me.

Pete soon informs Crystal, that no, Derek doesn't just volunteer at the soup kitchen, he runs it. The soup kitchen had been a pet project of his late wife's and he continues to run it, keeping his promise he made to her.

So not only is he an attractive single father, he's just a genuinely good-hearted person. Merry Christmas Crystal. Let the cliche romantic comedy shenanigans begin! Including, but not limited to: making the sassy gay friend an accomplice, adorable bonding with the daughter, foiling the plots of the "evil" current girlfriend, and of course, holiday themed parties and subplots.

Is it cheesy? Yes. Can we tell it's a bit cheaply made? Definitely. Will it make you feel good? Absolutely. Yes, it has many of the holiday movie cliches, and innumerable romantic comedy tropes, but it's an adorable movie that will make you feel good and put you in the holiday spirit. Yes, Crystal starts out as a spoiled brat seeking only to help herself, but she grows over the course of the movie, and by the end you'll be cheering for her. I did.

I give Dear Santa two mugs of spiked hot chocolate covered in whipped cream. (This is my points system. I do what I want.)

If you want to check out Dear Santa, you can find it currently streaming on Netflix. It will also be shown on Lifetime on Sunday, December 22nd at 7pm and again at 11pm. It'll also air again on Christmas Eve at 2pm. 

Next week, I'll be covering another holiday favorite, and one that is a classic in my family. Check back to see which it is! Until then, what are your favorite holiday movies? Leave your answers in comments. Happy Holidays!